By Adam Jamieson
Think of your group of friends as its own emotional and physical ecosystem. There are many moving parts and interactions within it. Feeding, mating, and living (among others things) all occur among group members.
One of the most common practices within a faction of friends is when two people “hook-up”. As you can imagine, and as I’m sure you’ve experienced, this can dramatically change your group’s dynamic. Every time a relationship is started, or the line between friends and friends with benefits is crossed, your group’s ecosystem morphs and adapts to the new climate. These two types of hook-ups unwillingly manifest change for anyone within radius of the situation.
Booze or no booze, friends get together to hump all the time. It can take years of flirting or a mere glimpse in a different light to get the ball rolling. Once each party gets the idea, there is almost nothing that can stop it from happening. Forget stars aligning; just give them an empty apartment or house and a late night hour. Sure, sometimes a preliminary chat is needed to clear the air of any potential embarrassment, awkwardness, or misunderstanding that could happen down the line. After that, all bets are off.
In my experience, these situations will either happen to their full potential or not at all. Most of us don’t have the willpower to control our feelings. If you and your friend have reached the point where you can talk about hooking up, it will likely happen. If you instinctively know that it is a terrible idea beyond all reason, the two of you will stay away from each other and this talk will never occur. This isn’t a fool-proof chain of events, but is the most likely outcome. If copious amounts of alcohol are involved, the borders of friendships can get crossed left, right, and centre. Similarly, when two friends within a group form a tangible relationship, its inception can be housed by the above methods or by that ‘big talk’ that I’m certain many of you have excitably experienced. This talk typically involves the pros and cons of a relationship within a tight-knit group of friends, what could and will happen, if either of you care what the group thinks, but also who will be angry with, or happy for, the new pairing.
The degree of change that happens within your group truly depends on the actions of every single group member. In the negative sphere, a common problem can come out of a roommate being a little nonplussed by some personality traits of the friend that is now your girlfriend. This will easily snowball and translate into openly passive-aggressive outbursts around the house or apartment during sleepovers or group hangouts. Alternatively, and more positively, lots of funny jokes about the new couple and ‘doing it’ will soon surface within the group during cottage weekends and road trips.
Back on the negative side, if this couple breaks up, a Pandora’s box of uncomfortable and nasty situations will undoubtedly arise. As hard as everyone tries, and as much as they don’t want it to happen, friendships will start to corrode. Lines in the sand will sometimes be drawn between guys and girls. The worst part can be the situations created by your friends and invitations to parties and any other group outings. Can the two co-exist in a group setting right now? Is it a good idea to choose one over the other when dealing with group activities?
Whether or not these changes are noticed by everyone is irrelevant because things will become different. However, each group experiences varying degrees of change. The change can be merely during the initial stages and go away, or have ever-lasting effects. People stay friends, friendships modify and turn, and barriers are put up and broken down. The most easy-going member of the group can even be affected. In my experience, a hook-up in every sense of the word extends its emotional roots to touch anybody within its radius.
Last 5 posts by Adam Jamieson
- How to Get Invited Back to Your Friend’s Cottage - September 3rd, 2009
