Spoof on 50+ Women

I once thought when you hit 50 it was easy street…your kids are in college or have already found their way to their own lives, empty nesting…yay!! It’s time for me and to get my life back! All the free time I’ll have to take care of “ME”, all the great stuff I’ll do! Somehow life just doesn’t work out that way!

I did a little survey, and I find I’m not alone…Many of my 50+-aged friends are in the same boat – what are we doing? We are now taking care of aging parents, being grand-parents (Oh gosh, I’m so not ready for that one), and many are focusing on new careers!  Many women who devoted much of their time raising a family are now finally doing what they’ve always wanted to do and many are starting their own businesses because they now have the time to devote more hours to a new business and simply because they finally can financially. Today’s 50+ woman is strong, resilient and up for the challenge to handle anything.

With all of the demands on our time, it’s hard to fit it all in, but we continually amaze those around us. Women over 50 have new skill sets. No longer are we helpless females relying on men to do “man’s” work. We cut our own grass, take care of routine maintenance around our own homes and have great careers or own businesses. We are roller blading, playing hockey, baseball and soccer. We’re involved in kickboxing, martial arts and participating in what were previously male dominated sports.  But one thing that presents some daunting challenges to us is becoming single and learning to date. What a world out there I was so unprepared for, things have changed since I dated some 20 years ago!

I seem to have many friends that are 50+ and single, and loving it might I add. I asked them some questions regarding their thoughts and views on dating and may have added some of my own observations. There was certainly no holding back at this one, it was hard to keep up!  Some of the names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

My first question to the group was what they thought about the term “cougar”.  Ellen was the first to pipe up on this topic. She said “women today are empowered and the label “cougar” is demeaning. It implies that we are conniving and have an agenda.

Victoria’s opinion and experience was different. “Firstly, I personally prefer the term “shaguar”, it just seems so much classier”. She also says “many women don’t chase younger men, it’s the younger men that chase us older women”. And why is that?  She feels there “seems to be a perception amongst younger men that women in their 50+s enjoy sex and lots of it. They also seem to think we don’t get as much as we need or want.  At our age we are perfect for them, of course they want us, think about it. The majority of women over 50 are established, we know exactly what we want, own our own homes, independent, not likely to surprise them with an unwanted pregnancy, our children are older if not gone from home and most importantly are not into drama and games.  We’re pretty up front about what we want and don’t want and aren’t afraid to say so! She feels younger men like this and men her own age are intimidated by it”.

This group also indicated that they imposed their own limits on age of the men they dated. One reason was because of their children. Ellen had to be sure they were at least “older than my son in law, my daughter would kill me!” But honestly the number one reason we all had a limit on how young we would go was because we really do want to have something in common with the men that we date and have a meaningful conversation. Another good reason to set a limit is to protect yourself. Many younger men aren’t as financially established and getting a pre-nuptual agreement is something we should seriously consider if we are thinking of going there. As flattering as it is to have a 30 something man want you, really at the end of the day there’s often not enough there to go beyond just sex.  I know I just couldn’t imagine sitting down to dinner with my date and my son knowing that there’s a only few years difference in age and they could be siblings.

Internet dating and technology have changed the rules for the dating game.  Unfortunately, I haven’t found anyone with the rule book yet. Gone are the days of being set up on blind dates with your friend’s ugly cousin Vinny. Now we put photos up on the internet, write a bio about ourselves and the games begin! You can send messages back and forth, you can instant message or if you’re brave, give them your number and you can text message back and forth to decide if you want to meet the other person. This can be quite the process and often times you’ve invested a ton of time into “getting to know someone” electronically and the chances are you’ll never end up meeting them. Many vanish into thin air to avoid meeting. Those are the ones you realise are probably married and testing the waters. The ones you do meet have used photos that are 15 years old and they no longer remotely resemble the 1 X 1 inch photos you’ve seen.  Joanne says “Many no longer have the 6 pack they’re showing off in the photo, they have a huge 1 pack or a keg, courtesy of one too many beers”.

Many of us have had similar experiences but one in particular has met some of the most outlandish people. Victoria says they seemed pretty normal on line but in person was another story. She has a string of encounters from various dating sites and even Facebook that provide us all with many hours of entertainment. They include a respectable business man that flew to Toronto from BC to meet her, the Pastor that moved here from BC for her, the prison guard that had the food fetish and the list goes on and on.

Victoria has also been dumped via text or email more than anyone in the group. She’s amazed at this level of impersonality, she was wanting to break up with a few of these men herself but “was waiting to do it in person, technology makes easy for the cowards out there”.  She has also had a few of them realise their mistake and contacted her months later, again by text or email chatting like nothing ever happened wanting to resurrect the relationship. Apparently, electronic rejection isn’t as painful as face to face rejection.

Many men are voyeurs electronically; they seem to be oh so brave behind the security of the internet but after meeting for a coffee don’t seem capable of half of their macho claims. She’s also had the experience of receiving photos of body parts by email and lots of steamy text messages.  “When did that start? Who does that?” she says with a big grin on her face. She’s often asked for similar photos in return and as far as we all know hasn’t complied; at least that’s what she tells us!

Annie has had some great experiences. She’s recently out of a 20 year marriage; the last 5 were barely tolerable and just wants to have fun dating. Everyone she met was true to their word and photos, great people she’s still in touch with and has maintained communication with. We tease her constantly about her popularity, but she’s honest and upfront about what she’s looking for and she’s having fun with it.

After a year of looking at on line profiles, Victoria notes that men are looking for younger women. Commonly, the age range they indicated was at least 10 years younger than their current age and sometimes up to their age but usually 2 – 3 years their junior.  Why is that?  The women in the group said this creates a feeling of self consciousness.  Ellen comments “the fear of someone new looking at your body after being with one man for so many years is daunting”. She feels that many men have high expectations and want younger women for just that reason.  Funny thing is many don’t seem to hold the bar quite as high when it comes to their own bodies and appearance.  Ellen’s other concern is that she “doesn’t want to be any man’s mid life crisis”.  Although both men and women can become a “serial dater” when they first get out, it seems to be a common reaction. After a while the game gets boring and we all start to look for a relationship with substance.

Another common issue is the 40+ male that has never been married, has no children and has never had a long term relationship.  The group all agreed that this was a man that had commitment issues and we should run as fast as our legs can carry us.  They are also so set in their ways and because they’ve not had a serious long term relationship, they often aren’t able to make the necessary changes to make some room in their lives for someone else.

Oh and the 50+ man that was “open/undecided” about having more children? Come now, that’s just an answer that keeps their options open to much younger women, we all agreed that they were as likely to want more children as we were to want hot flashes to continue for the rest of our lives.  Another unanswered question from the group was the 50+ man with a woman at least 20 years his junior. What is he thinking? Does he really think she’s interested in him or the financial security he provides?

And so it continues, the age old Man vs. Woman game. Whether married or single, young or old, some things never change. What’s that old saying? “You can’t live with them and you can’t live without them!” We all know the woman is smarter but we’ll just keep that our little secret.

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more — would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.

One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, “Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?” Her husband snarled, “What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?” and sat down on the sofa.

The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn’t work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, “Honey, the disposal won’t work. Would you try to fix it for me?” Once again, he growled, “What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?”

The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, “Honey, the washer isn’t running. Would you check on it?” And again was met with a snarl, “What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?”

Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her husband got home, she said, “Honey, I had the repairmen out today.” He frowned, “Well, how much is that going to cost?” “Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them.”

“Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?” he asked. She smiled. “What do I look like? Betty Crocker?”