By Paria Naghavi
It is 7 p.m. on a Friday night. It is raining and foggy. Three women are standing inside a bus shelter at a Yonge and Steeles bus stop. On the far left side of the bus shelter a young woman is holding a binder in her arms as she leans against the glass wall. She is looking down at the pavement, deep in her thoughts. She has been thinking about last night all day long. A part of her is trying to focus on the good times that they had together, pretending that last night never happened.They met at Lauren’s birthday party last September. It wasn’t a big party, only 20 people including Lauren’s friends from college and a few high school friends. She was standing on the patio, sipping on her drink and talking to Lauren. That was when she noticed a guy across the patio smiling at her. She looked away as soon as they had made eye contact. Lauren went inside to mix more fruit punch. She was looking at the swimming pool in the back yard, thinking about all the summer days she spent there with Lauren and her friends.
“Hey.”
She turned around and saw him. “Oh, umm, hi.”
She blushed. Silence. He was staring at her. She broke the silence. “How do you know Lauren?
By the end of the night she learned that he and Lauren were lab partners in college. He played basketball, and hated eggplant. He had a younger sister who he didn’t get along with. When he was leaving, he offered her a ride. Too bad she was staying at Lauren’s house, she thought. The next day, Lauren called her and asked if she could pass her phone number on to him. They talked on the phone a couple of times. Soon, they were seeing each other a few nights a week. She remembers every detail of the day she met his parents for the first time. How happy she felt walking back to her house. Busy with him every day after class, she lost touch with her friends. She never got a chance to meet any of his friends either. They never argued about anything until last night. Every thing was going so well with him until last night when she asked a question twice.
“Why don’t we go to the sushi place behind your house for dinner?”
“Didn’t I answer this question already?” he shot back.
“Did you? Oh sorry babe. I don’t remember what you sa….”
He laughed hysterically. “Huh? You don’t remember? Or you just wanted to make sure I was not lying.” There was no sign of humour in his tone.
“No, no! I know you don’t lie to me,” she pleaded.
“Yeah! You do! You think you can control me? Huh? I told you once! My friends are going to be there.”
This tone was new, she thought to herself.
“Why don’t you want me to meet your friends?” she wondered.
“See! You want to control me! You don’t believe me. You want to meet my friends now? Why? I am not enough for you? You want to control me exactly like my dad. What now? You think you can come into my life for three months and control me.”
“Let me expla…”
“Shut up! You stupid, little girl! Acting all innocent, asking these questions 100 times. I know what you want hear.”
“I swear, I couldn’t remember what you told me befo…”
He raised his voice. “You are spoiled. You act all dumb thinking I will fall for it. I know how you are, you are smarter than this. I have seen it every day for 22 years! You want to control me. Idiot! ”
She tried to cut him off so she could tell him that he is not right. He did not let her say a word. She felt desperate and slightly scared. He did not let her talk for the rest of the night. He drove her to her place and let her off. He saw her face sinking in tears but it did not seem like he cared. That was not like him. When she got home, she found herself in shock. She was not sure if this was going to happen again or not. They never had a fight because they had never disagreed on anything. She always went with the flow, even if the situation was not the most desirable. She could not remember if his mother was controlling his father or other way around. It did not matter. Wondering if he would act the same way with every thing he did not find pleasing, she fell sleep.
Back at the bus shelter, between the two other women, stands a tiny young woman. She is wearing a rain jacket over a waitress outfit. She keeps looking out to see if the bus is coming. Checking her watch frequently, she looks anxious. She knows that she has to be home on time home to call him; otherwise he might get angry again. He told her if she could not make it home on time, he would give her a ride home from work. Initially, she found him considerate. He sounded caring. One night she had to fill in for one of the other waitresses and clean her section. She left almost thirty minutes later than the usual time. As she was walking out of the restaurant, she saw her boss starting his car. He offered her a ride home. She politely thanked him, but said she was going to take the next bus. As she was passing through the parking lot, she heard her name. She thought it is her boss again. When she turned to the voice, she saw him in his car. Running back to his car, she noticed his face with traces of tears and anger. After she sat beside him in the car, she asked him what was wrong.
“I knew there was something between you and that guy! I knew you were cheating on me. I could feel it.”
Shocked, she answered, “what? What guy?”
“That guy with the fancy car. I saw you talking to him. You walked out with him. I know what you two were doing inside!”
“What are you talking about? He is my boss and I didn’t walk out with him,” she explained.
“Oh yeah! He is your boss, so he is rich. He has every thing you want. I can never be what you want.”
She reached for his hand, “no, that’s not true.”
He was looking straight ahead all this time. She turned to him and looked at his eyes. She was scared of his look. Escaping from his eyes, she looked down at their locked hands. She spent the rest of the night assuring him that there was nothing going on between her and her boss. He looked calm and satisfied with her explanations. Later that week, he surprised her at work by showing up during her breaks. She was not sure how to feel about this. She wanted to talk about it to someone, but she did not find the right time or person.
The following Sunday, she phoned him and let him know that she was going for coffee after work with her family. He asked her where they are going. She said they would be in the coffee shop beside her house.
She was sitting in the coffee shop when the door opened with a sound as loud as thunder. She looked up and it was him at the door. His face was pale and wet. He walked to their table. She was about to introduce him to people sitting with her. She blinked. The man in front of her was held by his collar, struggling to escape. She opened her mouth but she heard something louder. The window was broken and her cousin was now curled up and blood soaked on the sidewalk. She blinked again. Broken glass was everywhere.
On the far right side of bus shelter, stands a tall woman with red curly hair, dressed up in a dark suit. On her shoulder she is carrying a black leather briefcase with “Mc Issic Barristers and Solicitors” printed on it. The sun is down, but she still has her shades on, which makes pedestrians wonder as they walk by. She reaches down to the front pocket, and takes out a piece of paper. She has to look at the result again to believe what the doctor has just told her.
She has a baby growing inside her. She put her hand on her stomach, wondering if it has a heart yet. She wants to be happy. She always wanted to become a mother, but a part of her did not let the happiness soak her soul. She wants to ignore that denying part of herself, something she has done for last five years. She thought maybe the baby would bring what has been missing all this time. She wonders if she is doing what she had decided not to. Her past is passing in front of her eyes like a movie – the day they met, their first date, the first trip together. It was there in Barbados, far from her friends and family, when he hurt her for the first time. She let it go because she thought he was drunk and hoped it would never happen again. Then she remembers the second time, the third time, and fourth time. She wonders why she always let it go. Hope. Denial. Hope to change. She recalls the day that she resigned from the law firm where she worked since college to become a partner with him. Hoping they would become closer. Every time they had a fight, she wiped her tears and told herself that she would not give up. She tried to believe in their love and focus on good times to get by. She never realized why she could not leave him or why he could not control his anger. She just hoped.
In the beginning, she noticed his lack of self confidence in social situations. Thus, she tried to comfort him by devoting herself to him even more. They used to go for months without even an argument. When it sparked, she would use any trick up her sleeves, but nothing could stop him. She always wondered how he could get so irritated. She saw him as a bucket of gasoline. There was a limit that she could not pass, but she never knew where the line started. She never learned. It was always different. She hoped for the day she learned.
Behind her dark shades, she is hiding the darker evidence of her hollow hopes. She put her hands on her stomach again and hopes the baby will bring what is missing.
The bus stops in front of the bus stop. The three women get onto the bus, going in one direction.