By Mikhail Saavedra
Many talk about Christmas and the holidays as being a time “for giving” or a time “to remember those less fortunate than ourselves” or “a time to be kind”, sometimes it all feels a little bland no? Especially when it gets thrown around by politicians/power figures, who always by definition try to remain inoffensive to all and who sound as genuine as that email (you are lucky to get anything else nowadays) you get from your CEO at the end of the year. But should we remain cynical about the larger message?
We will probably never find the “true” meaning of Christmas or the holidays in part because we are probably too busy running around in malls to notice, but still I ask: Should we not give generously and think charitably at all times? Or to satisfy the inevitable cynics, most of the time? Think about it, how easy is it to do this in our current mad rushed lives? How charitable are we really when we are desperately running after that last gift?
This is my angle: ultimately and despite the fear mongering of some religious leaders, we should get our morality not just out of our religious guides. That intuitive reaction should ultimately come from our nature as the inevitable result of us being “pack animals”. To just be kind during the holidays is, if you think about it, just lip service to it (kind of when your boss has been an idiot all year and suddenly he/she find his/her humanity, well not likely!). My thinking tells me we should try doing it to remind ourselves of our potential to glow as human beings.
Since I am far from being an innocent both in concept and in form I can only imagine the grumbles of those trained in the art of unkindness/cynicism. I suggest you pity them even if it pisses them off even more and consider this: We see fake leaders/politicians doing it all the time, even that twisted fellow Sigmund Freud got everyone freaked out thinking that any act of kindness must come from a self centered place, where we only act nicely in the hopes of praise or control (in his defense this fits right in with the rich who only give if their names are prominently displayed, or any number of socialites/doers who are great at getting things done but who I invariably suspect do it for the ego or a desperate need to be noticed)
The opposite is true as well, I can easily think of people who give endlessly and are exploited mercilessly by all sorts of parasites/free loaders. Not a good situation either, I’ve heard the warnings from cynics and good friends about the dangers of being “too nice”. In short, kindness is not fashionable in the real world. On top of it all we are endlessly told by gurus (I know lovely people who have stacks of books by these characters) that you cannot possibly be successful without setting goals and being all “about what you want”; as if the only option in life is to simply focus on turning every situation to our own advantage (I know I know, this city is sadly filled with these types). It is ultimately a tasteless nauseating recipe that misses what my experience and suspicion has always told me, we are happier and better loved when we find in our scared and flawed selves the gift of giving without asking for the “change”. It is no secret, come what may, that I am a better man when my potential as a human being defeats the fears and pettiness within me.
It will never be easy, but there is genuine pleasure in acting altruistically. I have felt that when I do good/decent things, we can actually feel good in a way that goes beyond the temporary/short/happy outburst of the things we buy. No joke people, being a tad nicer could make you happier.
Why not? Like the pro cynics out there you could be all witty and clever, but isn’t it a hundred times better to pair that with some genuine charm that promises an open hand? I see it at nearly every social gathering, people trying too hard for attention and completely and utterly forgetting to act naturally in any way. It becomes “high school for grownups” and just as sad and narrow if you ask me.
I would humbly suggest a better approach, be charming and kinder no matter, but be even more mindful of this when the going gets tough since it counts for so much more, to me that will ultimately and always be the measure of our true humanity. We are all fighting a hard fight in this life and as the song says “Ashes and diamonds, foe and friend; we were all equal in the end” so why not?
But if you fail, like we are almost all likely to do, don’t deny it and face it with some humility (passive aggressiveness is the crappiest tool when apologizing) and rebuild that kindness, especially with those that you claim to care for. Sadly it’s a proven fact that it is a lot easier to be nice to people one doesn’t actually know.
It will be a challenge leading a kinder, genuine life, one that is based on principles and not sentimentality around holidays. But how about trying this? Forgive those that have apologized GENUINELY (god eventually even forgive those that did not, once you are ready that is, not before), speak kindly of others without sounding ass kissy (ex: My ex girlfriend/boyfriend could be such an insane monster of selfishness, BUT she could also find it in her to be a wonderful strong human being), enjoy the victories and accomplishments of your friends (and mean it!). Live this way not because you are afraid of hell, or aging or loneliness, do it to celebrate what is beautiful within you and the rest of humanity and to make kindness a little sexy again.