By Jennifer Finjan
Attracting that someone special can be a daunting task. So many of us focus on being taken seriously in our professional lives that somewhere along the way we forget to loosen up a little and project a more friendly and approachable side in order to meet new people.
You see it everywhere, guys and girls standing in clubs with their arms crossed, frowning and huddled closely amongst their clique of friends. Later, they complain that can’t meet anyone or that they don’t see anything out there that interests them. In reality, they only have themselves to blame.
It would be great if people that always end up alone at the end of the night could be videotaped and forced to watch their own train wreck. This way they would see the common mistakes they make when they go out for a night of socializing. The chances of this happening are low, unless of course you are one of the poor saps who end up on Keys to the VIP. In that case, the whole world will learn from your mistakes.
In the meantime, there are several tried and true body language techniques that you can enhance or push yourself to try. Many experts in the field will say body language between the sexes happens naturally. But from what I can see, it seems that the modern man and woman have lost touch with these natural senses.
The biggest mistake both sexes make is appearing unapproachable. Unless you are attached, or out to strictly hang out with your friends, do not appear to be a miserable soul. In the dating world, misery attracts no one. If you stand there with your arms crossed, head down, no eye contract, no one unless they are really bad at reading body language or completely hammered will come your way.
The first thing to remember is to go in with a positive outlook. If you think your night out is going to be a complete waste of time, it likely will. Another thing to remember is to take it easy on the pre-drinking. Sure you may attract somebody arriving to the club drunk, but the chances of that person being anyone worthwhile are slim. Plus, just think what the abundance of alcohol will do to your body language signals. It could end up being downright dangerous.
When you are getting ready to go out, please always consider the dress code. If that means asking your friends what they club is like or visiting the website before hand, it will be well worth the extra time. Nothing is worse than showing up at an upscale club dressed in a casual t-shirt and runners. In fact, you may not even get in the club in some cases. Or at the other end of the spectrum, showing up at the club in a prom dress. All bad.
So now you are at the club. Take a walk through the entire room, see who’s there and where the action is. Don’t chose to sit in the back somewhere where you can’t see or be seen. Remember you are there to have a good time, whatever happens happens. Desperation can be seen from a mile away. Have a good time with your friends and be opened to meeting new people. If someone comes up to you to say hi, don’t automatically reject them even if there’s no attraction. That person might just end up being a new friend, who happens to be best friends with the man/woman of your dreams.
If you see someone you are interested in from across the room, the best way to get their attention is through body language. That way, you can find out if the other person is interested in you before you ever approach them. Approaching someone just because you find them attractive can often leave you feeling rejected.
The eyes do most of the signalling throughout all the stages of attracting the opposite sex. If you see someone you are interested in look at them slightly longer than normal, then look away, than look back. Don’t stare at someone – that’s just scary. If they are interested, they will notice you looking their way and likely follow your lead by holding your gaze. This stage could go on for hours. It’s best to take the time to build the anticipation and excitement before actually approaching the person.
While you playing the eyes game, you can display other body language signals to let them know you are interested and that you are the best catch in the club. I liken it to the peacock dance.
In most cases body language happens subconsciously at this stage. For women, it can mean fixing your hair, reapplying makeup, licking your lips, tucking in stomach, laughing more dramatically than usual, arching your back, and displaying your best dance moves. In men, muscle flexing occurs to give an impression of more muscle tone, tucking in your stomach, standing straight to appear taller and larger, and the dance to end all dances. Men want to show that they are virile and strong to any prospects. Women want to show that they have a wide social network and have strong sex appeal. Often when there’s a mutual interest, the couple will mirror each others actions. If he’s interested, don’t be surprised if he ends up next to you on the dance floor.
Now comes the time to finally meet and get to know each other. Since you both already know there’s a mutual attraction, now is the time to find out if you have common interests. Don’t waste your time thinking up cheesy pick up lines. Being friendly and honest is the best policy. Don’t lie about your name, age, what you do for a living, etc. If you end up dating, you’ll just come off as a dishonest person. Remember once a liar, always a liar. Physical attraction is just part of the equation. If you can’t attract someone with your authentic self, they are not the person for you.
Now ! your talking.