By Adam Jamieson
Let me start by saying that these will not be ground-breaking perspectives or opinions because I am certain you have all been in this situation.
Ask yourself right now: When has sex with your ex ever been just sex? Really, think about it, and the answer will come to you: never. Granted, quitting sex with your ex is akin to quitting smoking, drugs, and drinking; however, I’m not going to sit on the fence with this one because I don’t believe it’s possible to keep recycled sex between you and an old flame purely physical. Emotions, whether they are supposed to be long-gone or are still freshly open wounds, perpetually propel these situations from the best sex you’ve ever had into sudden angry blowups.
The crazy part is that this is coming from a guy. I may be an anomaly, but I swear that we have feelings. April being ‘Earth Month,’ many “Ex-Sex” comparisons can be drawn from that old adage – ‘Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle.’
Trust me when I say that we can apply the aforementioned recycling model to human beings to explain why sex between you and your ex can lead to cruel and unusual emotional punishment.
Reduce – As ridiculous a proposition as this sounds (because it’s usually too good to give it up), if you reduce the amount of sex you have with a former beau, it will greatly improve your peace of mind. After all, how many exacerbating discussions have followed days, hours, or even minutes after a romp with your ex? The past is brought up and life becomes a classroom lesson in your dating history with both sexes fighting for the role of professor. Definitely not worth it.
Reuse – “Don’t just bin it, could someone else make use of it?” This recycling proverb sounds pretty harsh when applied to men and women, but there are parallels here, and it’s worth it to bin the sex part of a relationship with your ex. Yes, it hurts to see your ex with someone else, but it happens and life goes on. This is for the best because it should now be a lot harder to get busy with your former lover; someone else has come along and made kicking the habit a lot easier. Recognize the blessing in this and protect your mental sanity. Move on.
Recycle – “Can the materials be made into something new?” Sure they can, why not? By all means, stay friends; however, if you can’t keep your hands off of each other, lay down some ground rules.
That being said, even with some guidelines, it’s incredibly hard not to fall into a pattern of ex-sex, and in time, both of you may even grow to be good friends again. Moving on in relationships with new boyfriends/girlfriends always helps the situation and promotes acceptance of the new relationship on both sides.
So what should someone with an available ex do? On one hand, you have the hot, passionate sex that familiarity and lingering feelings brings, and on the other, you have the hours upon hours of arguments and name-calling that inevitably follows these rendezvous. Every post-relationship exercise in sex goes through its own cycle. The trick is to not blow your emotional wad, and figure out how you and your ex can co-exist – even if this existence needs to come after a little rough coitus.
This is hilarious. And I love your writing style, very witty!
It’s all very true though and we could all learn from it.